Killing me softly ...!!

"Your greatest fears are created by your own imagination . Don't give in to them"  ~ Anonymous

I don’t know where my life is heading, why I am sad? This hollowness, frustration is killing me.

Is it because my coll life is getting over, I will be going back to greedy world of professional life, where money is everything.

Is it because I am growing old, parents are planning for my marriage. Am I ready for it ? or do I still believe in Love marriage ? Love marriage – Am I out of the shock that my love life gave me ??

Is she still there in my heart or I have killed my feelings and moved on due to social pressure L

Or is it because I am trying to escape from my responsibilities, I am not able to place all my friends , not able to bring smile on their faces L

What is it that I want in Life ? God Please help me , I can’t live like this Y I take so much tension , Why I can’t be selfish L

Day-1

So here I am, back again.I am quite satisfied as I was able to accomplish the 4 activities which I thought of starting today onwards. I read newspaper, Finance fundamentals, went to jog and here I am writing blog :P

27/7- Day started with IAPM class; every time I enter the class and if its a Finance Lecture I think of the day I selected my subjects huhhhhh Why Finance as specialization...:(   Koi na I ll cope up with it sooner or later, Mann mein hain Vishvas pura hai vishvas Hum honge Kaamyaab ek din :P

Had a Finance Club Presentation for PGP04 batch. Quite a good initiative taken by our batch mates , hopefully we will be able to succeed making IIM-R as a hub for Finance Companies. Nothing great as such happened. 

Agenda for tomorrow-

- Maverick case study

- Read IAPM and BAV 

- Placecom Work , Contact  

Still I am sad Don't know why .....:(

Stability....

"Life always gives you a second chance"..... I am not sure how relevant this quote is to my life.

Here my journey @IIM Rohtak so far so good, life is going cool, lot of work , lot of masti, great friends, specially the 'Hey Hey' group - Tushar , Tarun and Pillai.

Yesterday was kind of bad day for me , I don't know why, but I was feeling very low; This might be 'coz i 'm not able live up to my expectations. Life will always be painful until and unless it's going the way you expected it.

Expectations Kinda of dramatic twist of your life huhhhh , if you are not able to stand up to your own expectation what about others expectations. Anyway to start with , I have finally decided the list of activities which I must do everyday , in fact kinda will make them as my habit.

- Reading Newspaper daily

- At least get in touch with 5 new companies

- Write a blog on daily basis

- Exercise,jogging or  Outdoor sports

- Read some finance fundamentals

“You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it.” – Charles Buxton

Another moment to celebrate ..... :)

And here comes the life’s one more kick to me ……….. :(

So finally she is getting married , I ‘m happy for her but I don’t know …….. I am not able to bear  this pain…. :(

I loved her cared about her, everything was going on right direction but Y suddenly all this happened …..

 Now finally she ll be out of my life ……. A moment to celebrate JD here I come :D

Chotu elephant - You were the beautiful thing happened to me in my life ……. I ‘ll always cherish the moments we spent together

The old memories …….Eshaani – A sweet little girl with beautiful glittering eyes, with lots of dreams and aspiration met me in train , I was a guy with an attitude who never care about girls ……. Funda of my life was “ To achieve your dreams keep distance from girls …lol”. Slowly the situation changed , she became part of our group and by 4^th semester we were like started talking (I mean hell lot of talking) over phone. She was in hostel , we rarely used to meet. Things were going on and we never realized kab ye pyaar ho gaya …. N she agreed after hell lot of hue n cry….. so almost end of 7^th semester we unofficially proposed each other n started going out. Usko patana was a challenge to me baap re she loves but family issues ye wo n all the dramas but finally I succeeded..:)

We started going out and I remember I officially proposed her with bunch of red roses at Pondicherry beach on 6^th April ……. I can’t forget that beautiful moment , both of our eyes were moist , we were like we are made for each other , but the sad part of the story was that our college ended n tough life started , maintaining a long distance relationship was very painful, I got pissed of many a times, even tried to break up with her but hats off to her , she very well handled the situation and her love affection pulled me back …. Sometimes I really admire her, How can she love me so much ? She was madly in love with me.She was my inspiration spent life gave us another chance n both of us got placed in Chennai , spent beautiful 2 yrs there with her . She helped me to quit smoking , she inspired me to crack CAT , she was the one who always had faith in me n I knew whatever may be the situation she will stand by my side.

But life changes , after 6 days she is getting married to someone else , and who is responsible for all this …… It’s me, I left her …… though I tried a lot but sometimes you need to take decisions which are more practical and I ‘ll rather say her parents are equally responsible for this , they shattered all our dreams. They made me to choose between career , family n her , how can I choose one of them , all the three are necessity of life L . I ‘m sorry Ishaa , I know I gave you a hell lot of pain, you sacrificed a lot for me but I ditched you. I ll never forgive me for that , I m truly sorry . . You ‘ll be always missed .

By the way – Wish you a very Happy and wonder married Life ahead :) , I saw your fiancee's pic . He is handsome J.

  

My Life.....!!!!

I don’t know where life is taking me. I always try to present myself as perfect, I have become baba ,”Gyan bant te raho” give preachings to youngers when I myself is not satisfied with what I am where I am….. I fed up of this life.And I hate people give examples taking my name ki ‘padhlo abhi nahi to aise hi job ke saath saath mehnat karni hogi and frustrate rahoge’ it’s my personal thing pls don’t play with my emotions.I myself is so much confused…… I don’t know what is important in life , what is my first priority in life…………… So much of tension is killing me ….!!!!!!!! Sometimes I feel I ‘ll go into depression…L It’s a money minded world , Happiness is directly proportional to money…..

Job , higher studies, family , girl friend …………. Life’s.!! I m not able to manage the things yaar……….totally out of my mind.MBA MBA MBA …. I also want to do but ……..

I am very emotional guy and an introvert too. I think I am master of disguise in hiding my emotions(my perspective- I don’t know what I am in others point of view).

Fake smile always works……….:). I write blogs to explode all my feelings. Everyone is common and equal in eyes of God , Everyone has some or other problems in their life and pray to god for his blessings so that he/she finds the right solution and the same case is with me. But often I get jealous of seeing other’s success … yaar why not me God ….. I am not involved in any illegal activities, any bad habits. I am very much dedicated to my family, friends , work and studies……. But why I always bear a pain. God tell me one thing when I never get what I aspire for even after so much of perseverance and dedication then why you made me so emotional ……. Yaar I also want to live life happily bindaas tension free …. From my childhood I am always like control , think of others , think of your family and study study and study that’s it…..why???????

Tomorrow is Cat results Please God please ….. The anxiety is killing me …… Please I tried very hard please …… I ‘ll loose all hopes from if I ll not score well ,Please not again… I ‘m not a tough guy… I ‘ll break. I don’t want to break any hopes of my family , guardians , my GF ….. please….

I don’t how I m gonna fulfill my parent’s dream……. My dream ………

In India we have a system of early marriage, If a girl touches 25 that the high time ..she should get married any how ….. That means if you and your girl friend are of same age and you are not an IITian or a premier B school pass out …. End of the story. Already so much of tension is thee in my life …….to add on this I am having a GF whose parents are pushing her for a marriage ……. Though we already told our family ki we love each other but for a girl of 25 it’s a high time and I m neither an IITian nor a MBA grad ……. What should I do ….. I myself don’t feel like I am ready to settle but I don’t want to lose her either ……. So someone please tell me what should I do????? What should I answer when her parent’s ask her about the security ki whether I ll marry her or not ? I ‘m not in position to say Yes .. and Dil se I don’t want to say No.

I told my parents ki I m having a girl friend but yaar c’mon ask me about her ask me few questions please share my problems so me the right direction …….. I m dying here knock knock……

Did anyone ever asked me why I shifted to Delhi ? Why I chose to stay at Uncle’s place ? What is there in ma mind……. Nah….. I was doing good in Chennai ….. I was going to get Long Term Onsite London… But why I came here ?

All ‘coz of you all people surrounding me who always talk about MBA MBA Ankit CAT is the only way out in Life now ……… yaar too much. I failed to perform last time , it doesn’t mean I didn’t study. I knew ki one thing which in everyone’s mind will be going on ki ‘Chennai me to GF se fursat milti tab to padhega’. I know people very well. I am sorry to all If I am being rude but Its not assumption it’s a fact.

It was never like that I haven’t strive hard to succeed in life …tats y I chose NCR for job. Tats y I got settled in Uncle’s place though many people might think ki I m financially dependent on him and many more things ….. but I don’t care . I have my own reasons to show I really want to crack Cat and I do study diligently ……… It was all bad luck last time.

It’s been ages ki I have slept properly. These thoughts always haunt me …… I too have desire to prove myself ….. to get admission to a premier B school , to have a happy personal life….. But I need people to understand me plzzzzzzz……. I can’t handle all the society pressures jisko dekho is asking me When is your Cat result yaar …… What happened last year …… plzzz already it’s haunting me and people (especially family members plz stop sharing to everyone ki I m appearing for entrance exams or How much I earn and bla blah…. There are few things I want to be personal …… even I want ki I give you this opportunity to bloat about my success but god forbid if my fate didn’t favour me again ….. I will be highly embarrassed…. Please understand yaar…….)

Every Child Will Learn ......

Well all of u might be aware of Right to Education Act, implemented on 1’st April ’10 (if u r true Indian). It’s a significant step taken up by HRD ministry. The model rules define the concept of neighborhood schools and states that there will be no discrimination against the 25% children from weaker and disadvantaged groups who will get reservation. Relaxation for the minimum qualification for the teachers and much more, so overall it seems to be great step towards development of our country. If u see the main reason why our country is not so much developed though we are in much better position in resources , minerals …etc from other developed countries is lack of knowledge and implementation. It’s really annoying …………………. Govt. is trying it’s best to take our country to the next level but it’s not so easy without participation. By participation, I mean to address us... “We - The Indian citizens!!” the educated community. I do agree we have to take care of our family, our comfort ability, our profession; Everything is okay but can’t we devote an hour or so that too in weekends only for the upliftment of the weaker sections of our society ??Is it not our duty being an Indian to serve our nation n fellow citizens? The govt. is supporting to its level best, I think we should also come forward and give our support for this act of improvement of education in India. All we need to do is dedicate few hours of your time and share some knowledge. We can start by educating the weaker section people of our locality itself …kind of free tuitions; what we lack is initiative!!!! But why …why can’t we take up the initiative ……… It’s just laziness... I just request every Indian …C’Mon Wake Up…………Get motivated n be a motivation for others!....there are so many organizations who have taken up these initiatives ,so we can join our hands with them…….Nothing is Impossible… By this we can change our country’s perspective and make our country a better dwelling place……..

TrAnSiTioN ....Life@ENGG Coll ....

Hmmm…… after whole lot of problems, enormous discussions, finally I landed up in Chennai. ”Sathyabhama University”, only thing which me n my father knew about this coll was “It is known for its discipline and Placements” wat else is required; as my motive was to leave my home ASAP, as it will be very difficult for me to stay there anymore.‘Coz the last five moths of my life were haunting me like anything……….It was 24th Aug ’04; I reached with mom n dad to Chennai.First Day of the college, there was long speech by our Chancellor …do tell u guys it was horrible, his English ………a LKG student can speak better than him…………It was like I m in a different world, people surrounding were talking in their local language …. First shock to me that these people don’t know Hindi “Our National Language”……..Oh My God!!....... I don’t know How I m going to survive …….?I am very passionate about attire’s …….But when I saw my Chancellor in Lungi n Sunglasses……..:) I thought I m totally screwed up……..But I didn’t utter a word to my parent’s ,I know from my expressions they understood ……but there was no other go….We went to the hostel; rooms were nice, not a single plug point…….First the warden told like 4 persons per room; after the parent’s left, it changed to 6 people per room. There’s lot say abt coll life but I ‘ll try to keep it bit precise………So the happening journey of life starts here……..Initially it was very difficult to adjust …..Food, people……..but after some time I got adjusted...I was happy as most of my classmates were North Indian. So the journey begins here..Cricket season started in hostel …Branch wise …and but obvious ETC (Electronics n Telecom –Our Team) rocks-‘coz three gr8 Players Nishant, Agarwal n of course myself .In between one day I went to play Basket Ball, I fell down; some cramp –I took it very lightly and as that was a Hostel Day, loud music and lot of Dance …Dance I can’t control myself. At 11:00 p.m., I felt like, I m gone, I was not able to stand. We went to warden; He arranged one cab by which I went to doctor. Yaar I was already having pain in my legs, he gave one more pain, he gave an injection at my back that to in standing position……..God!!!!! Neways next day onwards again I started playing cricket; I can’t control myself n for that finally on next Sunday I went to Apollo …and that the end of the story …My ligament got displaced n I had to put on plaster for next 1 months……..It was again fun ‘coz daily bus use to come at my hostel to pick me up ….then again during lunch also a bus for dropping me till mess n take me back to classroom.(Our coll campus was too big….).At night we use to play 29(playing cards ),it was not allowed but “Rules are made to be broken.. :) ” it was awesome so many bets(to be very specific no gambling, no money involved ) …….it was all gr8 masti.Parallely studies were going on n I was one of the Topper’s in my class . I got one memento and a certificate for the same but a strange thing happened ,I remember, it was before the last exam of 2nd Semester –and after that vacations…….yipeee;Someone stole my memento from my room and also my fav T-Shirt which was famous in whole hostel.:(((In classroom I was like full of attitude I don’t use to talk to gals …..I used to get many comments n they kept my name as “Attitude”. From this I tell I was addressed as “Glamour Boy” by mallu group. It was like gr8 being there …….Finally the year ended n I decided to leave hostel as 2nd year hostel’s condition was pathetic.From here started a new phase of my life n I met 6 gr8 dumbasses with whom I spent my rest coll life. Life was like all about fun, masti and that’s it.Thanks to God I got really gr8 friends, Room-mates. They are like anything to me.We enjoyed life at it's full. We all were good at studies and good at......I remember the first time I smoke wid them......Drinks it was all fun.......There’s lot of stuffs that happened but I will share some of the special ones….. :) Let’s start with my first bday in Chennai…We bought a new Woofer System on 5th Aug'06 and 6th was my BDAy, as we started the player at around 11:30 pm the owner cut the power 'coz we were making to much of noise......Ha ha ah ah........So they gave me Bday bumps like anything, tied my legs using dog's chain to wall hanger and then I don’t want to recall the cond't of my back.....:)))))))) All of finally out of the hostel so we bought new mobile phones... :).It was not allowed in coll.Everyone of us bought an expensive phones latest in trend…..But it’s all fate one day when we came back from coll ….All the mobile phones were missing.:( We made a police complain but was of no use…….Every1 was like shocked wat to tell parent’s n ah…….Slowly every1 bought a new one n for me this time Moto Razr latest of that time n was very expensive but who cares status was everything at tat time……. But after few months again …….something terrible happened n my phone … no more :( (Sorry can’t share that…..) One more incidence which I can never forget... that happened wid me n Vikas…4th SEM, our university exams were going on ….Weather cond’t was too bad at that time in Chennai …Too much of rain …and water logging problem in Chennai; everyone is aware of ….There was power cut in our area, it was drizzling outside with heavy winds…..I think around 8:30 p.m finally when it stopped raining me n Vikas thought of gng to Ashu’s place as power was there in that area. We started but couldn’t get any bus …finally we got an auto. In midway the auto got struck as there was like water on the roads up to our waist …….Horrible situation n it started raining again… I remained in auto taking care of bag n Vikas stated pushing the auto wid the driver…..it was for abt 300-400 mts stretch any how when we reach to end auto’s engine got choked …now wat to do ? We got a lift from one Uncle going in same direction, in his scooter …On the way suddenly one tree fell on the road he gave an instant brake we got down … So we started walking ..then one electric pole was lying on road ….whole road was dark like nething finally after walking for 2 kms we reached Ashu’s place I think by 11:00 p.m. Both of us were shivering…….Damn study no way…we slept ….Next to next day was paper we studied whole day n finally the paper got postponed…:)I can never forget this incident throughout my life………..Then life was going on smoothly, daily some or other things used to happen….We shifted to another house .Pinal bought a bike ………One of the most adventurous activity which I did was at 11:00 in night me n Prashant (one of my friend) went to Mahabalipuram by bike , we reached there by 12:00 ,spent around half an hour n again back to Chennai .It was most weird thing which I did in that 4 yrs….. It was time for one more transition tat cam up in life ..........Wat everyone thinks of doing after goin to coll ..."Having a Girl Friend...!!!:):).."Started with Rohit then Kondi then Vikas ,Why should me n Akash n Pinal should be left behind ..........Now it was Akash's turn then Pinal also but I was left alone :(:(...Though I liked one gal very much but it was kind of one sided love but every story has happy ending (Wat we say b4 having a GF) she finally said yes....and from dat day Lyf was like completely changed .Not all 'coz of happiness but 'coz after 2 days our coll got over n we went to our native....... :( .Though as a group we njoyed loads worked hard (I doubt) to get placed n every1 of us got placed. hey hey… 1 sec something is mising yup none other than mamu(Sandeep pure Brahmchari jahaan dekhi naari wahi aank maari...Shayari specialist (original(C)))............ I can't share everything........SORRY:)but u i hope u can understand life @ engg coll will be always fun,"studies ---no way, only the night b4 the exams ha ha :)". Now back to the topic 'Transition'.......It's all about the transition that came into me once I left Hostel,started living with friends.So all the way from home staying wid parent's ,everything was like so smooth so easy ,no need to bother for anything but now onwards it was like things gonna change ,u r entering a world where all ur decisions will be urs only "An Independent Life " though depended on parent's only for money rest everything u need to manage.It was a great experience and who all made great is but obvious my roomies -Akash,Kondi,Pinal,Rohit,Vikas and almost a roommate Sandeep.They r simply great .Initially most of us were like unknown to each other, each one have belongs to different community, diff culture but only thing common in us was the way we think and that made our room the best. We care about each other, we were like we don't need any other friends actually what is the need Roomy Rocks. It was an awesome experience and till date we r still very close to each other though everyone is busy in their own life.I can't express myself how I felt last day of my college..! It was more about will miss my roomies it was such a gr8 experience’s forgot to tell u actually 5 of us got placed in Wipro and rest 2 in CTS(ne way they planned for Higher studies).Finally this way the coll life ended………………………:( ..Missing those Dayz…….